Five Minute Friday (On Sunday): Begin

 Five Minute Friday

So, I’m late, again. Kind of a depressing post so if you are looking for happy, happy, I’m sure you’ll find others that better fit that bill. 🙂

Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail

I used to begin everything by being personal. I used to want that closeness, that camaraderie.

I used to begin by trying to find a way to help others, as a way to pull myself out.

I used to begin by looking for the good in the midst of the bad, the lesson learned, the growth gained.

I used to.

Now, I do not know where to begin. I do not know, in the midst of this trial, how to be personal. I cannot reach out to others because I have nothing to give. I cannot find any good in the midst of the bad, and the lessons learned are all bad lessons, there is no growth, only retreat, withdrawal.

That person I was seems to have been stripped to nothing. I cannot find her. The person who got close enough to do this has no desire or inclination to help. And the expectations I know are on me from others drags.

But I have to begin somewhere. I have five kids to take care of. I have responsibilities. I have to begin, but each time I resolve to try, I see only the emptiness where there used to be someone, someone who was never afraid to begin.


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