So, I’m late, again. Kind of a depressing post so if you are looking for happy, happy, I’m sure you’ll find others that better fit that bill. 🙂
Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail
I used to begin everything by being personal. I used to want that closeness, that camaraderie.
I used to begin by trying to find a way to help others, as a way to pull myself out.
I used to begin by looking for the good in the midst of the bad, the lesson learned, the growth gained.
I used to.
Now, I do not know where to begin. I do not know, in the midst of this trial, how to be personal. I cannot reach out to others because I have nothing to give. I cannot find any good in the midst of the bad, and the lessons learned are all bad lessons, there is no growth, only retreat, withdrawal.
That person I was seems to have been stripped to nothing. I cannot find her. The person who got close enough to do this has no desire or inclination to help. And the expectations I know are on me from others drags.
But I have to begin somewhere. I have five kids to take care of. I have responsibilities. I have to begin, but each time I resolve to try, I see only the emptiness where there used to be someone, someone who was never afraid to begin.