(Again, not severely edited. Maybe I should just put a note on the top of my blog. :D)
Several people have expressed their surprise at what I’ve said about my husband. Only two, in fact, who know him haven’t. One, who once lived with him, and one, to whom God had revealed in prayer what was going on before I even told them.
I suppose it’s difficult to understand since I spent the last 21 years essentially covering for him. I was taught that as his wife I was only to say good things about him, only to say encouraging words to lift him up. And, honestly, I was pretty shocked at the depth of it when I finally saw it for what it was.
Let me explain in the form of something that happened, the very thing, in fact, that finally broke me away from him.
He and I went to marriage counseling. He had somehow wrapped this woman so around his finger that she could no longer hear anything I was saying. The following happened in our last counseling session:
Me: If I can’t get away from him, I’m afraid I’m going to kill myself.
Christian Counselor: (turns to Stan) You should probably separate for a while. But I don’t think you should get a divorce. Divorce is a great sin (yadda, yadda)
Then, her parting shot as I left was: I think you are really going to miss him.
Later, he reneged on moving out and told me that God wanted him to stay. So, basically, he told me he was going to stay even though I was going to commit suicide. That showed me immediately how little he thought of me and our children.
The most interesting thing about this incident was, well, obviously, it didn’t end the way I thought it would. For about five seconds after he left the room I was terrified. Then it dawned on me that the horrible feelings I’d had for pretty much our entire marriage were gone. I mean, completely, totally, gone. I haven’t felt that depressed since that day. The only time I get low is when I have to be around him.
Now, whether you want to call it simply mental responses or a spiritual battle (after what I’ve seen the past few weeks I think it’s the latter) he has some way to do things to people to get them to feel pity for him. In fact, he does the pitiful act really well. And, as we see above, a Christian couselor actually broke the law for him by not reporting what I’d said to the authorities. If he can get someone to do that, I can assure you he can somehow get anyone to do what he wants, to believe anything he says. I believed his lies for over 20 years now, and I lived with him.