Saturday evening I was thinking about my blog. Specifically, I was thinking about my current use of it, namely, to be open about my abusive marriage. (Note how I worded that thought, it’s really important.)
I mean, I’m no angel. I’m not some great person who never yells at her kids or swears at the drivers on the road. What right do I have to talk about someone else’s mistakes? (Note that wording as well.)
I started to wonder if it was the right thing to do. Is it the Christian thing to do? I know that even among the few friends I’ve invited to my new Facebook account, there are those who are very uncomfortable with what I’m doing. Though most people support me getting out of the marriage, some are not happy that I’m so vocal about it.
So I started to feel like maybe I should just sit down and shut up. I’ve had my say, it’s enough. Why do I need to keep writing about it and talking about it?
Anyway, the kids came home from their visitation and I got them into bed. We read, shared our blessings, and prayed. I sat for a while and looked at my phone, saw I had a notification on Facebook (anyone else not able to handle having even one red dot on their phone? lol) and I clicked on it. Everything was going along fine until I saw this quote in my feed:
“Never talk bad about your husband. Never.”
I stared at it a moment, just as now I am staring at it trying to wrap my mind around words that kept me bound in abuse for over 21 years. I realized I couldn’t remain silent. I knew there were women reading that quote who will cry themselves to sleep tonight either in emotional or physical pain because of their abusive louse of a husband. And, because they read this on a respected conservative Christian Facebook page, they will keep their mouths shut. They will know that they are supposed to be quiet. They will understand that no one wants to hear about what goes on behind the closed doors of their houses. They will see that they are in sin if they try to tell a friend.
I’m actually darn proud of myself that I didn’t just flip out. I thought I responded calmly. What I wanted to say I probably shouldn’t write here, those words are probably not what one would associate with a Christian blog. After I posted, I read through the other replies. Only one person pointed out the obvious problem with this blanket statement. ONE PERSON. I emphasize this because there were 4000 likes, over 800 shares, and probably at least 100 comments. ONLY. ONE. OTHER. PERSON. pointed out the error. Everyone else agreed for the most part. There were only a couple dissenters, but they had nothing to do with abuse.
Back to my original thought.
I was wondering if it was right to be so open about my abusive marriage, but I left off the actual mission statement. The reason I’m so open is so other women won’t feel like I felt from the day I was married: Alone.
Also, abuse is not a “mistake” my ex made, it was a conscious decision each day, one he still makes whether he cares to admit it, or not.
So, if you don’t like that I’m loud about this, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I’m not really sorry. If the truth that men abuse their wives, are addicts, and commit adultery is a forbidden subject to people, there are a lot of safe places for them. On Facebook, apparently.
God gave me an ability to write. I asked him to help me use it for Him. He showed me that I didn’t need to be afraid of other people. I mean, shoot, the three people who were supposed to love me more than anything in life abused me, what can anyone else do that is worse than that? Then He told me, very loudly, to get out of my marriage. After I did so, I didn’t really know what I’d write about, but each day I sit down to write and something comes to me, something that I hope helps women realize that they are not alone and that there is hope and a way out of their despair. God said, “Write so others won’t have to be alone.” I’m not going to disobey Him to keep other people, the wrong people, comfortable.
Update: Got a reply to my message on the post. A woman suggested I call the police to report my husband, not gossip to a friend. So, now telling people that your husband is abusing you is gossip. There are now over 5000 likes and over 1000 shares on the original post. But seven people liked my comment.