Yesterday all the boys went with their father for Father’s Day. I was home for several hours alone. I had intended to go to see Age of Ultron again, but then I recalled that on Sunday I try to avoid fiction. I deal with fiction six days of the week with my writing and with reading the kids their stories, or helping them write some, and, of course, there’s always my ex’s version of reality. ;D
I was reading through the sermon notes from the morning’s sermon, which I sat through twice: Once at 8:30 with Mr. Great-heart, and once at 11:11 with Spock. It was that good. OK, truthfully, it was about living out Scripture with probably one of my favorite historical figures as the centerpiece, namely, William Wilberforce. This, of course, led me over to the cabinet where we keep our DVDs and I pulled out Amazing Grace and sat down and watched it. As always, his story gave me a whole lot to think about, and not just the fact that if I can’t afford fair-trade anything I ought to give it up.
When the kids came home, I was putting the disc away and they insisted on watching it, so I sat down with them and watched it again. Truth of the matter, it was no hardship, I could watch it all day and never grow tired of it. It was good enough and conveyed enough of his life’s message that I don’t have the issues I have with a lot of Hollywood’s depiction of Christians.
I always find it interesting that movies, like books, look different depending on the stage of life you are in. For example, when I first watched IronMan, I loved it. Of course, I thought sarcasm was a spiritual gift at the time. I was sarcastic, I attended a church where sarcasm was an art form. Now, I hate IronMan, all of them, not just the second one. 😀
Yesterday, as I listened to and watched stories from his life, it was Wilberforce’s conversion, or rather, immediately after his conversion, that held my attention. He was at a cross-roads and he had to decide which direction would best serve God; the clergy or politics?
I feel like that. I am not a brand new Christian, but, as anything God might have wanted was suppressed at the beginning of my walk with Him by my husband’s insistence that he alone remain the center of my life, I have not yet truly wrestled with this.
In the West we have this teaching, which I do not agree with, that our calling, what God wants us to do for Him, is where our interest and our skills intersect. I don’t buy into that because I read too much. 😀 Mostly because I read how the world outside the cushy Western life is forced to live. Christians in Pakistan or other oppressive countries don’t have a lot of say in what they do. I doubt the 8-year-old Pakistani child would say, “Oh, yeah, I know my calling is a brick maker because that’s where my interest and skills intersect.” And yet that is most likely what he will do until he dies.
When I first left my abuser, I thought I knew for sure what it was God wanted me to do. I told several people that I am just the person stupid enough not to shut up about this issue of abuse in the church. Now, though, I wonder if I was right. Not that I’m likely to shut up any time soon, but is this the main thing I am to do for Him? Is this how He truly plans to use me and my writing? Is there something else I can do for Him? If there is, it is obviously better, even if it is outside my comfort zone. (And, of course, my writing won’t pay the bills, which is a pressing issue for me.)
Last week, I thought that might be housekeeping. I finally got a call for an interview. I wasn’t sure what to think since God knows exactly how I feel about doing that forever. But, I thought, maybe it could just be a stop-gap measure. Then I began to wonder if I wasn’t intentionally limiting what I was going to let God do with me. Am I saying, “You know God, housework, while not beneath me, doesn’t pay what I’m worth?”
It fell through due to them changing the interview time to a time I had another appointment scheduled that I couldn’t change. But it made me think that maybe, while I needn’t take the first thing that lands in my lap, I need to return to my original prayer, that God would place me where I can be used best by Him.
PS I’ll have better quotes next time I write anything about Wilberforce since I’ve been inspire to read his Real Christianity.