(My first post is here.)
The day I was married I ate a bowl of oatmeal. Later that afternoon I had an orange and some nuts that were provided by the hotel. My husband told me there wasn’t enough money to buy food for me to eat. That night I lay curled up on one side of the bed, crying and wondering at how horrible a person I must be that my husband would reject me so soundly on our wedding day.
After a time, my ex changed his tactics. Sure I could buy whatever food I wanted, we had a kid, after all. In hindsight I realize, that while I was easily silenced (the admonition “You should never say ANYTHING bad about your husband” constantly in my ears from my paternal grandmother) a child might not be.
After Farmer Boy was born he turned to using the retirement against me. Our heater broke and, despite how warm you might think it is here is SoCal, it gets darn cold at night in the winter. Yes, it does freeze here. He said he’d have to use the retirement to get a new one. I knew that wasn’t a good plan so I told him to make a budget (for the millionth time already) and save for it. He never did. We didn’t have heat in the house again until I took over the money a few years later and very easily figured out a way to purchase a new heating system…even got us a/c.
This is the pattern that was repeated for the next two decades of our marriage, though there were other threats here and there.
I’m not entirely sure why I thought that once the courts were involved this was one area he wouldn’t be able to threaten me anymore. Narcissists don’t even care what God says, why would they care what the courts say?
Saturday night he told me that he didn’t have the money to pay his half of the house payment. He also said he couldn’t live off his parents forever.
This entire situation is depressing and hysterically funny all at the same time. It’s depressing for the obvious reasons and funny because, well, he’s been living off his parents for at least a decade with no remorse or care. Now, all of a sudden, he can’t. I suppose he thinks it will look as if he’s finally growing up and taking responsibility, but it’s not that at all. He just needed a new way to abuse me and make it appear to be my fault.