Five Minute Friday: Free

Ee, gads. I forgot it was Friday. It’s been one of those weeks. Next week will be worse. And that’s what this will be about.

START

I think it looks good from the outside. That’s probably what terrifies me more than anything. I wonder, am I still covering up for all the problems? Am I still only pretending? Because on this side of things it looks like I will never be free. I will never be done dealing with the abuse. I will never be done paying for my ex’s debt. It will be forever and I will be tied to it forever.

And that’s where it is. I am not free of the reminders of the abuse. I am not free of accusations. And in the midst of facing all I am facing there is no light at the end of the tunnel, because there is no end to the tunnel. And right now it’s just a steady stream flowing toward me and threatening to drown me.

I know, in my head, that one day I will be free. But right now I have no choice but to go through it. My usual positive attitude and my faith in God a help, but it doesn’t stop it from happening. And that, I guess, is what I wish everyone understood. That I am happy, that I am Saved, but that I am not free from what other people have forced on me and that is a heavy load to bear.

STOP

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Amber says:

    Thank you for writing. I can understand your worries about freedom coming. I know those struggles. May He give you a promise to hold on to in those moments.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      Thanks. He does and it’s always a comfort. šŸ™‚

  2. theflawedtreasure says:

    Thank you for your courage to be honest. Too many times I find I sugar-coat my trials because I’m “trying to be strong” or “trying to be a good example.” Or some other such nonsense. It is always comforting to know that I’m not the only one who sometimes feels burdened by the weight of reality. Yes, there is hope… but in the meantime it’s just plain hard.

    Thank you for sharing.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      So glad I could be a help and encouragement. šŸ™‚

  3. Marcy P. says:

    I love that song at the end… something to cling to. Praying over the weight of all you’ve been through and are going through. May God’s peace and rest fall abundantly on you.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      Thanks so much. šŸ™‚

  4. denise says:

    saying a prayer for you.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      Thank you. šŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s