I haven’t been writing lately. Well, I have been, but only fiction. I began outlining my story for Nano, which makes it sound noble; in reality, I retreated for the month of August. It was a rough one, possibly the most difficult since February.
Babycakes started first grade at his new school. On the same day I had to go to court. In regards to court and the divorce, I was subjected to possibly one of the greatest deceptions ever in my life, and, really, that’s saying a whole lot when you consider everything I’ve been through. End result: On the off chance I ever refer to my in-laws on this blog, they are now named Ananias and Sapphira.
I started a job, then quit the job. I liked it, but I don’t think I’m what they were looking for. And I have a feeling I wasn’t really supposed to be there very long, just long enough to give me something to focus on after the deception instead of curling permanently in on myself, which was probably a very real possibility.
I had a lot of thoughts last month, a lot of good ones I wanted to share but I’ve felt really disconnected. I’ve wondered if, considering my current feelings, I should continue to try to help people in my situation. You see, I’m about two stories away from believing that the idea of marriage is really just a sham created so abusive people can get themselves long-term victims. Every time I turn around, another man or woman is telling me their story. It’s tiring and draining.
On top of all this, I was diagnosed in July (or June, I can’t recall how far back now) with PTSD. It stands to reason. I was abused for 45 years, there’s gonna be some fallout.
I’d love to be positive about all this and say something like, “Well, how can it get any worse?” but we all know what happens after that.
(Yes, that last line was a shameless excuse to use a Captain America pic.)
In all seriousness, though, September looks to be far more difficult than August so I thought I’d try non-fiction writing, since fiction isn’t cutting it. Which means, most likely, someone’s going to get offended because between the Subway guy and the Duggars, I can’t even read the news without having my PTSD triggered.