Rennsday Randomness

Happy Rennsday. I’m sure you missed this and seeing what awesome things about my bae I could come up with. 😀

So, I have yet to see M:I5. The reason is something for therapy but it’s something I have to work on because it’s a result of the abuse. You see, I don’t even think I’m worth spending the 9 bucks, or however much, to see a Jeremy Renner movie. I like to make it sound frugal, “Oh, you know, movies are so expensive and eventually they end up in the $5 rack at Target, so I’ll just wait.” In reality, I really do think I’m not worth it.

And then there’s the question of how much time it takes to go see a movie. Any time I spend doing something for myself, including writing, though I’ve been using that for survival for so long now I will at least do it, I think is wasted time. I’ve been meaning to go get a haircut, nope, can’t do that, I’m not worth the time it would take away from the kids.

But I have an entire post lined up for that so let’s into my fluffy gripe…

Captain America 3. Yay, Jeremy Renner’s in it. But, honestly, that’s almost the only reason I want to see it. You know, they don’t put all the Avengers in a Thor movie (btw, shouldn’t they have waited to make a movie about Ragnorak until Steve Rogers was in Valhalla…but, I suppose, most people don’t even know what Ragnorak is…) so why are they putting them all into a Captain America movie? If I wanted see an Avengers movie, or an Ironman movie, I would. I want to see a Captain America movie. Ugh. Not happy.  Oh, and don’t get me started on no Maria Hill, and how they have pretty much removed Scarlet Witch from all the online promo posters in favor of Sharon Carter. Basically, never get a fangirl started on this subject. hehe.

jeremy-renner-in-mission-impossible-rogue-nation-movie-1(William Brandt always looks how I feel…my world is falling apart but I’ll fake my way through it and maybe no one will notice.)

So, my goal for this week is to find a theater playing Mission Impossible. After that, well, I think my goal is getting through without a PTSD episode so bad that I can’t function. I thought knowing the reason for this would make it easier, thought therapy would make this easier. Let’s just say I now know why people quit therapy. I’m not going to, but it’s really hard. The therapist gives me crazy stuff, like writing down good things I do each day. She started with a request of three a day. She cut it back to an attempt at one a day this week because that just wasn’t happening. Which I’ll also blog about later.

Well, this post is about to get specific and that’s really not supposed to be it’s nature. It’s actually just supposed to be a light post about random things going on in my life, but today is not a great day. All the pieces are slowly falling into place, all the lies I’ve been told are slowly starting to dawn on me. I posted on Facebook that it’s like living the end of The Usual Supsects in slow motion. It’s painful, and just as shocking.

For those of you who haven’t seen that movie, which is one of my top 10, here’s the ending. SFTL, but I think it’s just one bad word.

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