Day 8: Purple

2015 October 08 phone 122

Special thanks to Braniac for getting out of bed to put on this shirt since I was finally inspired. πŸ™‚ He was duly rewarded with some chocolate covered chocolate twinkie-like thing that’s probably as bad for you as it sounds. πŸ˜€

START

I didn’t know when I decided to do the 31 Days of Five Minute WritingΒ that any of the prompts was “purple.” I never read that far ahead for prompts. It’s like looking at the end of a book before you’ve read the early chapters, it steals the mystery. πŸ™‚

When I saw it yesterday I was unsure what to write. It ties in overtly with Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but to write about that from the perspective of color, the color which happens to be my favorite, just seems a bit off.

When I put a purple shirt on each morning this month I wish it was only because it’s my favorite color. I wish things were different. I really wish I hadn’t experienced all the things I have. I wish I could just wear the color because I like it. But it opens doors and gives me opportunities to speak to others this month when they comment on the color. And not a day passes when I am not confronted with the reasons why awareness needs to be raised, especially among Conservative Christians.

I really hate to continue to single them out, but when I peruse the web, when I speak to people I meet or know, they are the ones still insisting abused spouses remain legally tied to their abuser. They are the ones who have chosen to worship the creation (marriage) rather than the Creator. I hope it’s because they just don’t get the danger of what they are saying. I hope they can finally hear the truth and understand that what they are espousing is killing people.

And so I’ll wear purple in October and talk to anyone who says anything (whether they want to listen, or not). I will continue to make people uncomfortable as I force the facts of abuse within the church committed by people who look pretty on the outside and sit in the pews each week.

And one day, I hope, the person who doesn’t get it will be so rare that the novelty of their existence will be what shocks me, and that I won’t have to spend hours after reading their blog entry or speaking with them, talking myself down from the PTSD-ledge, so to speak. I hope one day, true compassion for the victim, not legalism, will reign in the hearts of Conservative Christians, and they won’t tie people to someone who hates them so much they’d rather they were dead.

STOP

Well, that was far more a downer than the words I had planned, but this has been my struggle today so I guess it just came out. And, yes, it was because I read a blog that basically said I was a terrible sinner because I want to protect myself legally from a man who wishes to destroy me. She worships the creation rather than the creator, and far too many do. I once did, as well.

I am happy, though, that I made it through today with nary an episode. I was able to clean and build the fire pit and roast the pork as I’d promised Farmer Boy. I thought several times about calling our friends and canceling dinner, but I pushed through, and we had a wonderful time. It was my first time doing a BBQ and it really wasn’t as hard as I’d feared so I think I’ll do more. And, as a bonus, we now have a fire pit so the kids can have S’mores when it’s hot. πŸ˜€

Today, I felt a rare thing for me, that the Lord really was beside me and leading me and restoring me. It’s hard to see that in the darkness of the memories and the PTSD.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. carlybenson says:

    Well done for keeping going with this- I really admire your courage. And I’m glad you were able to have your BBQ and have a good time with friends, also that you felt God with you leading and restoring you. It’s true even when we don’t feel it but those moments when we do are so encouraging. Love the song too!

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