I’ve been reading about narcissism in an effort to understand what happened. There are some things that match each of the narcissists I know perfectly. But there are some that don’t. I’m writing this out to help others who think they might be in a relationship with a narcissist but read descriptions that have a few things the person doesn’t do or isn’t. We have to remember that, as much alike as abusers are, they are still individuals who have a few variables.
For example, it’s normal for a narcissistic abuser to make up terrible stories about their past, stories of extreme abuse. But two of the N’s I know, do not do this.
One thing I read this morning and posted on Facebook was about the divisive nature of a N. It closed with the victims comparing notes and discovering the truth. With one of the N’s I know, they are so subtle, you can’t even do that. This person has perfected their craft so that they are undetectable. It’s creepy from this side looking back.
Another theory is that N’s were given too good a childhood, overindulged, etc. I’m still out on that one. From what I’ve seen of two of the N’s I know, they were outwardly perfect children whose parents were usually stroking them with verbal praise. One of them I know for sure had parents who really thought the child could hardly do any wrong. If that’s what we mean by overindulged, then it might be possible that affects some of them. I personally believe that they are simply born that way. Especially since two come from families with multiple children, none of whom are N’s.
I think it’s important to keep in mind that N’s don’t always fit the profile perfectly. They will each have their own variation. But if they match enough, that should be good enough cause for you to be wary of them.