Five Minute Friday: Weary

Let us all pause for a moment to appreciate the irony that, when the prompt is a nice one, I have angst, but when it’s one that could be angsty, I’m in a relatively good mood. 😀

I should be weary. I should be sulking. Spock was diagnosed with scoliosis this week. This is my second child with it. After watching all the pain Farmer Boy went through, I’m not looking forward to round two. But I’m not weary.

But I was, once. When Zelena had depleted me of all my joy, all my life. I would never have been able to face this next challenge. Because, in my life, it’s always been something. And I have always been forced to face that something alone. Whether facing a life-threatening situation or illness with a child, or something as debilitating as scoliosis, I did it on my own.

I suppose it looks like I still am. But it’s easier now that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I can’t count on Zelena, that he never cared, that he is incapable. That probably sounds depressing to others, but to me it has been liberating.

I was asked a few weeks ago if it’s more difficult now that I’m a single parent. I could answer without hesitation that it’s easier. It’s easier to face the difficulties and trials of life without having to maneuver around Zelena’s selfishness and his attempts to make everything even worse, all the while enjoying my misery.

It’s probably hard for people who have never experienced the complete and total continuous rejection of their spouse and parents to understand, but it’s just easier to face the trials with strength and courage when those people aren’t around trying to tear me down in the midst of it.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. carlybenson says:

    Sorry to hear about your son being diagnosed with scoliosis- that’s tough, but it makes a lot of sense that it’s easier to deal with by yourself than with people trying to bring you down. I’m glad that your mood is relatively good despite the challenges. Praying that you continue to know God’s strength and that he is with you.

  2. May God give you strength as you single parent your children. God bless!

    ~sitting at #76 on FMF linkup

  3. But you are not truly alone as you have the Lord to lean in to.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      In a spiritual sense, no, I am not alone. But God created us for community, it’s why he said it was not good for Adam to be alone, he needed to have his own kind with whom to commune. It’s why he commands us not to forsake meeting together. So in the command and necessity of community I have been alone, as is anyone who has none of these. I have been one of the fortunate ones, however, in that when I left my abuser, I was not cast out of my church and now I am finally able to have friends who are with me in these trials.

      1. I am grateful your church did not turn it’s back on you (although, I can’t say I would stay in a church that would do such a thing). It is a wonderful thing to be able to have fellowship and community with others! Glad you are moving forward! 🙂

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