I can’t tell you the peace of mind that comes from not having to skip church. I have always hated church on Mother’s Day. The pastor waxes eloquent on how wonderful and loving mothers are and how God gave them this predisposition. While I sit in the pew remembering how my Christian mother broke toys over my head, and made sure I knew I was worthless and that God had made me for a life of complete and utter loneliness with no friends or companions.
Pastors are stupid. It’s really that simple. Pastors can’t stand the fact that their religion doesn’t work, that they have in their congregations people so wicked and cruel, so they choose to deny this fact.
But this year I didn’t skip, because Atheists don’t go to church. This Atheist usually has to do her grocery shopping on Sunday morning before she goes to work because that’s what real single moms have to do, especially ones that fell for the bullsh*t teaching of the patriarchy. We have to work minimum wage paying jobs, long, hard hours, because we were told that God would always provide for us, especially if we were married.
Then we have to endure the false teachings of a religion that demands at least 10% of our meager wages, all the while knowing that the people sitting near us in the pews condemn any attempt to raise minimum wage claiming these jobs are for high school students and that anyone trying to feed their family on minimum wage is an idiot.
In a way they are right. I was an idiot, an idiot to believe that anyone inside a church would give a damn if the kids and I ended up on the streets. Or that they would care that there is no money to buy groceries because my ex didn’t see fit to give us money this week. (The account has been empty since Thursday, btw.)
I was an idiot to believe that Christianity was anything more than another excuse to do whatever the hell you want.
Today I will enjoy my kids, try to figure out how to teach them reason instead of indoctrinating them into my new beliefs, and go out to a movie with them. Maybe we’ll go by the bookstore and find a nice book on evolution so it doesn’t freak out Mr. Great-heart when he faces it for the first time in public school this year. Hopefully his intelligent mind will see it for the logical and scientific thing it is instead of fear it as I was taught to do.
Then we’ll come home and make brownies and eat chocolate covered strawberries and I’ll study for my upcoming college placement tests since I’ve decided to go back to school so I don’t have to work a minimum wage paying job until I die.
I hope to learn so much, especially in science, this time around. There will be no fear, no defensiveness, just honest inquiry and questions in what Frankie assures me will be a far more welcoming environment to those things than the church ever was. And she should know since she’s been through both herself.
Mostly I hope going back to school will serve as an inspiration to my kids to do it now while they are young and still dependent on me. Because I don’t expect it to be easy to work full-time plus, and take care of kids, and go to school, all the while dealing with the effects of my abuse- caused PTSD and the stresses that come from knowing my ex is still intent on abusing us.
But until that part of the day starts, I’m going to kick back in the tub, enjoying the scent of the bathbomb Frankie got me and read Dawkins.
It’s another day, one more step away from enslavement to the mindhive of religion and out into the world of thought and reason.
(A pic of a couple presents from my kids. Obviously Braniac drew that pic before I cut my hair. Lol.)