Thought after SLO

Three years ago I made my first trip to SLO. During this trip I threw up my final Hail Mary to save my marriage…I just had to be positive, but different from the positive I'd been the previous 20 years. Yeah, that was it.

So I bought my domain name and tried really hard to write about how good my life was.

Less than a year later my marriage was over. Now, slightly over three years later, I am, for the first time in my life, genuinely happy.

I need this shirt:

My divorce is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And a lot I've been learning lately explains why.

Basically, when you are around someone who mocks you and beats you down and does nothing but belittle you and abuse you, it's bad for you at every level. You probably think that's a no brainer but I'll bet you don't usually bother to think about what this includes.

I haven't been entirely silent on the abuse I've found in the Bible. It isn't just in the Old Testament. We find a similar story to the one in Genesis in the book of Acts. This story is also about a couple, though there is no forewarning about their death. They are never told they will be killed if they lie, they simply are struck down supposedly by God for claiming to have given a different amount of money than they actually had.

So, again, the loving God deals with people who piss him off, even slightly, by killing them.

Once you accept the level of abuse this is, you can then go through the sermons you've heard about this story to ascertain just how abusive your church is.

Generally speaking, all the churches I've attended have been conservative and the preachers taught that God was "simply" letting people know that doing what this couple did was evil and would not be tolerated.

Considering the level of evil god tolerates around the world I find this entire passage confusing.

So, it's OK to throw your concubine out to be gang raped so severely she dies, but it's not OK to not give a said amount of money to the church?

We are very good at ignoring and justifying abuse. We don't tell anyone about the relative who raped us when we were young because what good would it do now? We accept abuse from our parents because they are our parents and family is too important. We allow our spouse to beat us down because we are told that other people's actions should not affect us and if they do it is our own fault.

We don't think about this sort of thing at all because we are generally programmed not to. Don't question your parents just submit because god said so. Don't question your pastor he went to seminary so he knows more than you. And above all never question the Bible. I mean, look at what happens to people who do.

The reality is that people who question the Bible and find it lacking get out of religion and live pretty decent lives.

You see, it's more than my divorce that has made me happy. Leaving religion has made me abundantly happy. Leaving religion has enabled me to fight the "demons" in my thoughts, it's lifted the oppression off my mind and opened up a whole new life for me.

We will all always have a long way to go as far as self-improvement, but I have found that not being bound by religion helps me face my past head on. It opens my eyes to options in recovery that were always available but always shunned because "you should just be drawing your strength from god."

And even that I can understand. Belief in belief is a powerful thing. It doesn't work once you start thinking about it, but for most people it is enough. And this is why most people will never question their religion and definitely never question their religious teachings.

We are satisfied that we have faith, just as 50 years ago it was enough to have a husband. It didn't matter that all the evidence pointed to the guy being an abusive jerk, so long as a woman was married, everyone (else) was happy.

So long as I pretended to be happy with the life god had forced upon me, no matter how evil, everyone (else) was happy.

But now, finally, I am happy. And the vast majority of people are upset. But I can't help that. Just as I will never return to the hell I lived through with my ex and my parents, I can never return to the religion that continues to hold women and children in the same types of relationships with nothing more than a book full of lies.

I need this shirt too:

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Velour says:

    Awesome article. I learned so much from you. May you have many more happy days and years!

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      Thanks. And I’m sure that I will. 🙂

  2. Christian-in-rehab says:

    I understand the pain of abuse, having suffered as a kid at the hand of a “christian” uncle, and then deal with the hurt of hearing my folks believe it was the “devil” in me, that attracted the abuse. I hope you find rest and healing.

    1. sarasamomx5 says:

      Oh, that is so horrible. Sadly it’s not the first time I’ve heard that level of blame. 😦

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