In the song, “Stand By Your Man,” by Tammy Wynette, she sings of the reasons a woman should stick by her husband through thick and thin. Specifically, she is singing of her relationship with her husband, George Jones, who was an alcoholic. Ironically, though she sang this song for audiences forever, she finally gave up on the lout and divorced him. Even back in the days before internet it didn’t take more than a 30-second phone call to your local country music station to discover that truth.
The words of her song are disgusting (so disgusting I don’t want to post them here…google it), butthey are words that women are told over and over and over and over, well, you get the picture. Basically, the guy can do whatever he wants, and you have no choice but to stand by him or else you will be looked down on by society.
I think about Kavanaugh’s wife and kids a lot these days. Nobody mentions them. I think it’s safe to say that if he can lie under oath, he has lied to them a million times. I wonder what other liberal women think of his wife. Do they say the same BS conservative women say about the wives of liberal politicians caught in serious transgressions? Do they say, “Well, she knew what she was getting into when she married someone with political aspirations?”
I wonder if she knew just how bad he was before she married him? I wonder if he lied to her the way my ex did. I wonder if he pretended to be something he wasn’t in order to get her to marry him. Once a person is married, our society expects them to stay married. Divorce is still frowned upon for any reason. Most women do not have the support to get out of a bad marriage.
Worse, however, is that most women have been taught from infancy, whether directly or indirectly, that their duty as a wife is to stand by their husband no matter what. Whatever he does, it is her job to make it work. And, ultimately, if it doesn’t, society views it as her fault. This is even more likely to be the case within the church. The church is consistently cruel to those suffering in bad marriages, telling them they need to pray more and be better Christians, then god will save their marriage.
I don’t know her story. I only know mine, and those of the people who come out to me with their own stories after they hear mine. Some of those people become stronger as they stand up to the abuse, some of them never allow themselves to because they are still waiting for “god” to save them.
No god is coming to save Kavanaugh’s family, or any other family. Maybe if we could all just understand that truth we could stop ignoring those suffering under abuse, or pretty much anything else, and help them ourselves. But it is easier to believe that an invisible man is going to save other people. It makes our lives less messy, and praying makes us feel as if we have done something wonderful.