I almost don’t want to write this. I have been used to such success in school that admitting what is happening feels like it will just make things worse.
I have a 3.8 GPS. I have always done well at school since I started back last fall. But PTSD is beginning to make maintaining my grades impossible. I study and study and study and nothing is sticking. There have been times this term when I thought I was in the starting stages Alzheimer’s.
Turns out, this is what PTSD does to your brain. If I had realized this a few weeks ago, I’d have dropped Chemistry. It’s too late now and if I can miraculously pull B’s out of my classes, I’ll be happy.
The other thing I should have done was go to DPS and apply for the testing center. That way I’d be able to take all my exams and quizzes over there and have the time, the quiet, and the non-populated space I need to maybe recall something. As it is now, my mind draws blanks more often than not.
Sadly, I’ve simply spent the term berating myself for not studying well.
It has honestly gotten so bad that I can’t remember simple Algebra I already know. Which makes work a nightmare because that’s what I do.
I hate PTSD. But more, I hate the people who gave me PTSD: my parents and ex and churches, whose abuse has created this mental nightmare I live in, and all the bystanders who knew it was happening and did nothing.