In case you haven’t heard, I have PTSD. Also, in case you haven’t heard, it’s been hell lately.
I talk a lot about my PTSD. I know it annoys people, but these are the same sorts of people who didn’t care that my parents and my ex abused me so fuck them. One of the reasons I talk so much about it is to normalize mental health for other people. I want people to know that I believe that talking about their struggles is normal and that I am not going to judge them for it.
I also talk a lot because I am forever seeking help and solutions. It is a popular myth, perpetuated by the male hierarchy, and Dr. Laura, that women just talk to hear themselves complain. Yes, there are women who do. Personally, though, I know more men who do that, but maybe that’s because I grew up in the male hierarchy. 🙂
But, for me, and most others, we are looking to solve our problem. When we complain about something, we want a solution, or at least a damn good explanation. Most of the time, this doesn’t pan out for me, but today it did.
Today, I went to office hours for my Calc prof and as I was leaving, I just couldn’t help myself from “complaining” that I was mad at myself for not realizing that I could have dropped my Chemistry class on Friday. I thought I’d missed the deadline, because, to be honest, I barely know what day it is right now.
She said that since it was so close, maybe they could make an exception and sent me to the guidance office.
An hour and a half later I walked out and emailed my prof to take an Incomplete.
A few things did this for me. First, I didn’t stop talking about it. Because of that, I ran into someone with a solution. Second, I have a damn good GPA. It’s fucking impressive. And that B+ in Chem 24A in a summer course never ceases to amaze folks. 🙂
So, now I guess I’ll be spending my summer in the Chem lab again, but that’s OK. By then I think I’ll be doing better. I have my first appointment at the school med ctr for counseling next week, and I am going to attempt meds again after Christmas. I can’t do it before then because of school and, well, Christmas. Meds and my body hate each other, especially psych meds. I never met one my body could handle.