One of the odd things about this mental breakdown (I really can’t find a better word for it) is how calm I am. I wrote earlier about caring-but-not-caring. It’s a weird calm. If it weren’t for the anxiety, I’d think I had finally achieved normalcy.
One of the things that doesn’t bother me…because I care, but I don’t…is not having dinner turn out OK. This has made it easier to cook again. I haven’t done so on a regular basis for a very long time.
I started cooking again because I went through that manic cleaning of my kitchen over Thanksgiving break. I figured as clean as everything was, I ought to use it. I then noticed that when something goes awry and we have to eat sandwiches, I really don’t care. I mean, wasting food still bothers me, but I’m not freaked out and angry.
I made cookies, that didn’t turn out the way we like. But they were still edible. I made soup. I tried pizza twice, but I’m still not happy with the end results. But I’m not worried or stressed over it.
In fact, f I could just get rid of this anxiety, and all the triggers, things would be pretty good.
Here’s the photo of the day. Yes, he told me he wanted his eyes closed in the picture.
(Farmer Boy and I took Babycakes to see Santa…during school. 😬)