Hi, my name is Sara, and I’m a recovering Christian.
When I used to talk with Christians about what had happened to me in my life I told them that my “testimony” was more likely to create an Atheist than a Christian. At the time I didn’t realize that Atheist would be me. The more I told my story, the less I could defend a deity who would commit, or allow, such atrocities. So, I searched for the evidence that I had been told all my life was there, historical, archaeological, and scientific evidence. I never found it, because there is none.
This blog started out as a hope to finally find that connection with the Almighty that I’d been promised since childhood. I was told I just needed to pray more and devote myself to him more and be more open about my faith. The more open I became, the less comfortable I became with the lies. The first lie I had to stop telling was the lie that I had a good marriage, that my partner was a good man. After that, I had to stop telling people that the church was good and was a safe place for abused women and their children. Finally, I had to stop lying to myself and face the truth. One, there simply was no evidence for god, or the stories in the Bible. Two, if there is a god, he either doesn’t see or doesn’t care. I prefer to believe that there is no god. It’s the more merciful view.
For a while I was an angry atheist. I spent a few months as a self-described anti-theist. I began to grow out of that when I went back to school last fall. I learned a lot about how people think and why. In fact, in the 18 weeks of the first semester, I learned more about religion that I had ever understood after 47.5 years in it. I understand the pull, now, the need to belong to something bigger than yourself. I understand the necessity of community. These things are all a natural part of the human psyche cultured in our minds through millions of years of evolution. Finally, religion makes sense.
So, now my blog is about what I’m learning and where I’m going. It’s also about life as an unusual being…an openly Atheist single-, student-mom with five kids, all of whom have their own major health issue, who looks back at her life and says, “Yeah, I totally would do it all differently if I got the chance.” You may not like what I write, but I’ll never lie just to get you to come over to my side.